We’ve all heard and read and discussed, a million and one times about “purpose” and how we should find it, live it, live in it and more. What I believe most of us haven’t done, is admitted to ourselves when and why we’re not already living…existing within our purpose. Ya know the purpose I’m talking about, right? That thing! That activity! That joyful moment or moments of pure bliss! That thing we can do for hours and hours on end without even thinking about our hunger pangs, our bathroom sensations, our current thoughts, concerns, issues and worries and our realization of the time lapse. This place, this BEingness, is usually centered on our purpose or something involving our purpose.
YOUR PURPOSE IS THE REASON WHY YOU EXIST!
So how do you live your purpose when you, truthfully, already know what your purpose is? First and last, you remind yourself of YOUR truth and go live it. Literally, tell yourself, out loud, what you know your purpose is. Having trouble remembering your purpose? Please reread the previous paragraph while going back within your long-term memory to picture that thing, that activity, that action, that expression….that real freedom of expression also known as your purpose. You’ve done your purpose, to some degree, your entire life. You’ve done your purpose, to some degree, within all facets of your life…both personally and professionally. You’ve done your purpose as long as you can remember BUT you gave it up for something else! You put it off for somebody else! You decided to go against your purpose and for many of us that meant going against our dreams. You didn’t choose your purpose because you decided against it. You chose something else as your purpose continues to sort of haunt you throughout all of your existence. You already know your purpose, right? So, why don’t you stop playing with yourself and your life and go get your PURPOSE! Here’s a nice way to help you get started on regaining your purpose. Ask yourself the following questions while writing out your answers on a sheet of paper, preferably a journal or notebook. Writing will help with bringing your purpose to life as you move back into Self-Realization. Here are the questions. Take a read, jot down your answers, then let me know your thoughts after a couple weeks of doing so. Please be aware! This may take a few weeks so please be patient with yourself. It’ll eventually come back to you…your purpose, that is. Then, you can regain your joyful living while living on PURPOSE. You’ll see. I promise..
We or they are not bad, evil, incompetent or inadequate when the relationship ends. Not. Necessarily. The very measure of a good relationship is usually determined by how much it encourages intellectual, emotional, mental and spiritual growth. Therefore, if our relationship becomes destructive, dangerous, depressing, lacks growth and development, demoralizes or causes us to chip away at our human dignity, it’s been time to end it! We aren’t for everyone and everyone is definitely not for us. However, not all breakups are considered failed relationships.
So, the real question becomes, how do we or can we minimize the hurt and find a way to co-exist. I don’t mean co-exist with your previous mate, necessarily. I mean on earth! In life! In new relationships, with new partners! Within! Without! Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually? How do you exist and how do you support a space for new partners to exist?
For many of us, this is NOT an easy task. Any significant relationship that ends causes discomfort of some kind. For most of us relationships are a major source of daily stimulation, curiosity, eagerness, adventure, support, love and openness. We all can agree that relationships do matter and that intimacy is necessary to sustain a good, fulfilling, happy, productive life. A loving touch, interactions of laughter, silence and tons of other highly needed stimuli brings physical, psychological and mental wellness.
There simply is no BEing or Becoming without relationships. In a real sense, we all spend our entire existence interweaving one relationship into another until we ultimately catch ourselves up in giant webs.
After a breakup, how do you exist and how do you support a space for new partners to exist?
Lots of us have learned, from experience, that our inability and/or refusal to live in harmony after a break-up has been responsible for some of our greatest fears, phobias, anxieties, feelings of sadness, anger, other failed relationships, resentment, isolation and in some cases, mental illness.
Again, after a breakup, how do you exist and how do you support a space for new partners to exist?
Here are 5-Steps that I’ve found to help co-exist after a break-up. The steps are not designed to go in any particular order but they must be at least addressed and considered. But first, before we delve into this short list, do understand that I am only referring to relationships which have ended with some amount of pain due to the breakup and not necessarily dangerous, domestically violent, abusive or extreme drama-filled break-ups which have cause significant suffering. Nope. Not. At. All. Although some of these approaches may work, in this account, I’m referring to those relationships which have just ran its course and both parties have, maybe not initially, but eventually decided to part ways. Extreme breakup circumstances with violence and abuse WILL definitely require some serious support services and healing. We’ll discuss that during another submission. For now, please take a read and let me know what ya think. Love. Light. Peace&Power.
Step #1- Watch your words!
For each word we use to describe our relationships and the break-up of those relationships, we also attach emotional meaning and content to them. This is how we feel about what our words represent to us. Watch your words. Choose. Wisely. The words we use determine our belief system and our actions. You gotta be careful about the words you use and not have them use you! Wellness comes from within and communicated love and warmth helps bring it forth.
Step #2- Respect Silence!
Alternatives for problem solving, creativity, thinking, strategizing, remembering, moving forward, as well as your spiritual, mental and emotional needs are most often realized and heard loud and clear during moments of silence. Spend time, regularly, in total silence.
Step #3- Be honest and truthful!
Dishonesty is one of the primary determinants of a failed relationship that leads to a break up. Now that the relationship has ended, it’s really time to get honest with yourself about your role in its entirety and be truthful of all of your contributions to the relationship both good and bad. A healthy, lasting relationship must be based on honesty and truth. If you’re looking to the future for a fulfilling relationship, now would be the time to get straight with yourself about your last one!
Step #4- Determine if you were loving under certain conditions!
Love doesn’t supposed to keep a record of wrongs. Easier said than done, I get it! We all have a need to learn from our wrongs and other’s wrong-doings allow us to ultimately become wiser. Let the wrongs go and move forward. Unless you were, at any point during the relationship, unable to forgive and forget the past, you’ve never been truly free of its power to reawaken the hate and pain that those past wrongdoings have caused. When a new wrong erupted, all the previous ones re-surfaced. Were you loving only under certain conditions, disguising your overall hurt, hate, anger and pain?
Step #5- Forgive! It’s an act of will!
Forgiveness is a choice. You either choose to forgive or you don’t. But you gotta remind yourself that to be forgiven and to forgive both involve the same dynamics. If you ever hope to be forgiven for your wrongdoings, then you must do the same. If you are unable to forgive others, then you cannot expect others to forgive you. The price you pay for NOT forgiving is too high.
Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Design a Self-Care routine, ritual and lifestyle. Learn from your past relationships and live happily ever after! You can do it! It’s a must!
Dr. Curt coaches, counsels & consults with people toward their own greatness using Passion, Power, Purpose & Presence. He’s also an Author | Counselor | Speaker | Entrepreneur.
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One of my favorite things to do is visit local, independent coffee shops. Not quite! One of THE most absolutely enjoyable things for me, in the whole wide world, is working in a coffee shop while drinking a fantastic tasting cup of coffee. Why? Because in the coffee shop, I instantly become eager to focus on things that matter to me. I also get to think about things that I enjoy and that feel really good to me. It’s almost like the issues that I entered with, began to resolve themselves in a delightful way and solutions began to present themselves without effort. The coffee shop creative consciousness promotes and facilitates this.
Coffee shops are all about the feelings, emotions and collective energies derived from the positive atmosphere added with a small dose of good coffee and happy patrons. When I enter a coffee shop, there’s an immediate feeling that there’s nothing that I cannot be or do or have…at least while I’m there. I also feel that there’s nothing the other patrons can’t do, be or have while they’re in the shop with me.
I’m not even sure how or why this happens but I do know how it feels and what begins to happen to me. Energy! Vibes! Frequency! You see, most people in coffee shops on any given day at any given time seem to be intentional about something. There seems to be a sense of Deliberate Intention among the patrons. Have you ever visited a coffee shop and the patrons appeared to be unhappy, bitter and disconnected? Have you ever witnessed coffee shop patrons aimlessly looking around, disturbing others, exceptionally loud, wasting time, or trying to pick up other patrons? Not that there’s anything wrong with those things but from my experience, bars are more conducive.
For those of you who have visited coffee shops, I’m sure you’ve experienced small group discussions, business meetings, independent workers, entrepreneurs, couples, first day-daters, and students on laptops, tablets or reading books. The energy may not always feel totally off the charts but at least there’s a neutral energy feel, typically. Most times, from my experience, the intentional energy is present and you get to be on that positive vibe, if you’re open and allow it. Now you can begin to feel like you can do almost anything. At least you begin to feel better about what you know you need to do while you’re there.
With the deliberate intentional energy among the coffee shop patrons you can start to feel a conscious awareness that you’re utilizing your own positive emotional guidance. There is the opportunity to now experience the feeling of knowingness about transforming your feelings, thoughts, emotions and overall mindset, if you’re open, present to it or need it. Isn’t it exciting knowing that coffee shops are bigger than coffee!
Be careful, coffee shop creative consciousness can allow you to feel a bit invincible, if you take on the collective creative consciousness too fast, too soon. With this feeling of invincibleness, you are certain where you’re going while you’re there. Leaving the shop is another story! There are endless things that you can begin to think and feel in the meantime, all while ignoring some of your challenges you may have walked in with. Forget about the relationship, forget about the bills, and forget about the workweek! Coffee shop creative consciousness ends all blues…for a while, at least.
So, the next time you feel overwhelmed, have hours of work to do, need a new date spot, want to just chill out and think or simply want to try and change the world, head on over to your nearest locally own and operated, independent coffee shop and create your world through your conscious awareness by trying these things:
- Choose that you simply want to get something done (that’s why you came!)
- Focus inside on your feelings and emotions while taking in the aroma, sounds, and people
- Get started on your intent
Yep, it’s that simple. With a continuation of visits to your local coffee shop you will begin to know and feel that you can accomplish high, positive, energetic, and creative emotions almost instantly, if you’re open and present, while you’re there. With these emotions, you will know that what you desire is on its way, if you’re consistent with it. When you’re accustomed to clarity flowing to you, confusion just won’t do any longer. Coffee shop Creative Consciousness will become the next best thing…if you allow it. It’s now your new emotional practice facility! This new emotional guidance system skillset will also become transferable outside the coffee shop domain with consistent practice. Oh, by the way, don’t forget to try a new beverage of your choice while you’re there and make some new friends. Be sure it’s a real coffee shop and not one of those in-store, commercial or food court types of coffee joints. The vibe might not be the same. Visiting coffee shops is just my thing! Find your thing and while you’re doing so, visit a local coffee shop.
Dr. Curt is a Spiritual Psychologist, transpersonal counselor, executive coach, author, inspirational speaker, ordained minister and human consciousness researcher. He is the Executive Director of The I AM Project and The I AM International, Inc. Georgia non-profit organization which focuses on self-empowerment and emotional intelligence through mentoring, coaching and teaching classes. He is the author of I AM the SOULution- 8 Transformational Approaches to Turning Obstacles into Opportunities and The 40 Day Journey- A Journal to Self-Actualization, Transformation & Release. Dr. Curt shares his thoughts and insights to his daily life on all social mediums. He is a loving husband and father who lives, plays, works and sleeps in Atlanta, Georgia His latest book is due out this month.